Post taken from Facebook. Would also like to add in- this was such a big anxiety thing. I hate my body so so much, to the point where I refuse to weigh myself because I know it will become too much of a big thing. I cannot look in the mirror and like what I see. I have big anxiety issues surrounding my body. For me, this was a really important item on my list of 50 things, and I'm so so pleased I accomplished it!!!
As
a society, we are conditioned to believe that the way we look defines
us. We cannot escape from it, and we cannot win- people are constantly
being slated for being too fat, too thin. We are judged,
instantaneously, based upon how we are presented. Does it really matter
how we look?! Aren't our looks the tiniest parts of us, merely vessels
to the amazing beings we are inside? I believe so, that true
beauty is something felt, not seen. However, that does not grant me
immunity. I still spend time looking in the mirror, turning this way and
that, labelling myself as fat. I still try on clothes only to force
back tears, acknowledging that my body is not perfect, that I should be
hiding it in the best way possible, not letting people see my
insecurities. I can tell from sight whether a dress will hide or
accentuate my stomach, and if it's the latter, I keep a wide berth. But
you know what? I've had enough. I am done with looking in the mirror and
hating what I see, I am done with letting society dictate what I should
and shouldn't be wearing. I want to be comfortable, and I want to be
happy. When I body shame, I do no good- I'm not changing anything, I'm
just making myself feel more down, and I am sending out the message to
others that I too believe we are defined by our looks, that those lucky
enough to have good bodies have a monopoly on clothing that the rest of
us are denied. I am so sick of being physically scared by clothing that
could show off my imperfections. So, I've decided to challenge that. For
the first time since I really began to notice the hold society has on
me, I have bought a pair of shorts. That in itself was a big step,
trying to find a pair that I deemed okay. However, the next part was
infinitely scarier. Today, in weather that made the thought of jeans
unbearable, I stepped out in the afore-mentioned shorts, showing off my
size 12-14 thighs to anyone and everyone. It was scary. I'm not going to
lie. At first, I was sure everyone was looking, was sure everyone must
be inwardly grimacing, wondering why on earth anyone larger than a size 6
would choose to show off their body. However, as the day went on, I
relaxed. I met up with friends, and we had a lovely lovely afternoon. I
quickly felt comfortable, and I realised it was okay. I was wearing
clothes I had chosen to wear, not because of the dictations of society,
but because of what I wanted. I wore shorts, and it was fine.
I
guess I should probably tie this up with some kind of point. Here goes.
What I am trying to say is that it doesn't matter. Size 6, size 16, size
XXS to XXL, it does not matter. Your beauty is never defined by the
label in your clothing, and the size of your body does not dictate what
you are and aren't allowed to wear. You can choose to cover your body up
from head to toe, you can choose to wear a bikini- but make that your
choice, not the choice of others. Your body is an amazing thing- it's
keeping you alive, after all! Don't waste time hating it, berating it
for not being what can only be achieved through photoshop and careful
photography. Do not turn away from that beautiful dress, your head full
of negative thoughts about how it will make you look 'bad'. You like it?
You get it, you wear it! I am learning to love my body, and I hope
others will love theirs, too.
(Also, y'know what? This outfit made me feel fab. I looked like any woman enjoying the sun and being carefree. I like that.)