Some backstory. Off The Record (@otrbristol), who are a counselling group in Bristol, tweeted a link to an article about a guy called Sam Carvalho (@SamCarvalho). A year or so ago, he set up a website called Stand Up, Stay Strong, which aims to provide emotional support for teenagers. It's become really really popular, and he's been using the success not only to help people in a practical way, but also in other other ways- his latest project involves people taking selfies of themselves holding a piece of paper, on which they write the name of the mental illness they/someone they know suffers from. The pictures are going to be collated and made into a video that will hopefully help to reduce some of the stigma surrounding mental illness.
For those who are wondering about this stigma- society's view on mental illness is hugely negative, and very hurtful. People are routinely told to 'get over' things that others will never understand. If you have cancer, or multiple sclerosis, or even just a common cold, you are supported, and you are allowed to talk about it. If you have a mental illness? Nothing. You're expected to power through it, even when this feels impossible. You're expected to keep quiet and not talk about it- even when this is one of the biggest factors in making mental illness worse. The world needs to change this view, for we need to talk, and we need to support and love everyone who needs it, not just those we choose. The only way for this to happen is for people to be open, wherever and whenever they can.
I saw the tweet by Off The Record, and thought 'ooh, that's a really good idea, look forward to seeing those'. Then I thought- 'hang on, I could do that'. It took a lot of debating it with myself, and a lot of thinking about whether or not it was a good idea. Something about it felt like I shouldn't- but when I actually thought about it, I couldn't think of any reasons against it, and lots of reasons for it. Why? Well, what's there to be ashamed of? It's just illness, like any other illness. Mental illness has been something I've grown up with, through supporting others, and it became something I then had to face myself. It's something that keeps coming back, in various guises, through various ways. My battles with it are documented- physically, in fact, on my medical records, and on my arms. This is not something I'm proud of, let me settle that now. However, not being proud doesn't mean you should be ashamed, either. In addition, I've been through it, and I've helped others through it, and both of these continue- and I'm still here. I'm still fighting, and I'm proud of that. I want to use my experiences to help others, to inspire them not to give up, either. To do that, I need to be open. And that's exactly what submitting my selfie involved: being open. On a more personal note, I realised it would also be a huge step in my personal recovery. I'm finally at the stage where I can say that it's absolutely okay to ask me about my mental health, and about the past few years- there are questions that I can't answer due to the confidentiality of others, but it is always always okay to ask, I promise.
So. I sorted out a bit of paper and wrote something that felt appropriate, and tweeted it. It was absolutely absolutely terrifying- I hadn't realised how scary it would be!! It involved completely opening up to the world's views, and being open about myself!
How's it gone? Well, amazingly well. So many people have retweeted it, and people have tweeted me being really really lovely, and congratulating me on doing it- a panda bear tweeted me with a hug, and someone else told me that I'm 'truly courageous', 'sincerely humane' and 'an inspiration', which is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.
It was so so scary, but I'm so proud I did it! I want to see a world where everyone can be open about what they're going through, without stigma and discrimination- it won't cure mental illness, but it will make life fairer for those who have to deal with it.
I am still here and I'm still fighting. I may not be there yet, but I am further than I've been. And I am not ashamed. I have no reason to be.
